Foxy
“HEYYYYYYYYYY, ROSE, COME HERE” a small childhood friend soulet called out her name “ COMING” a small little girl smiles back and revels a face
* 13 years later in time*
Hi, I’m rose, there is something unique about me, no I'm not born with extra body parts, But I was born with supernatural power. I am a shapeshifter, for people that don’t know about shapeshifting, shapeshifting is a person that can shapeshift into and object or a creature. OH, you're probably wondering how old I am …. I’m 17 and you're also probably wondering where my little friend went. He’s still here he’s just next door, To be honest, 13 years ago he was sooooooooooo cute and I looked at him as a friend, but now he has had a glow up, he went from a 5 to a 10. Now he's just hot, but of course, people from our school think they are in love with him at first glance, well I call a lot of crap. ANYWAY MOVING ON him and I have been close friends but to him I am a close friend maybe even best friend, Lucky he doesn’t find me to be sibling metral , BUT he is to me a close friend but I really have had a crush on him since we were 4 but the thing is he doesn’t know how much attention I give to him. OH, I forgot he's coming over at 4:30pm and now it 4:29 pm, shoot I forgot to change, eh he doesn’t care that I'm still in my pj’s it’s not like we are going somewhere. *knock * * Knock* “ Heyyyyy, Rose, did ya get the snacks and started up netflix”
“ Only just * laughs nervously* )
*Bring* *Bring* suddenly the phone rang…...
Nice work, Meagan. I like the scene you used as a hook. It creates mystery before the story begins!
ReplyDeleteI think you could make it more interesting if you described what she looked like -before- she reveals her face. That way, you get a surprise from the reader - especially before you explain the shapeshifting (it's good that you included this by the way)
Ending with a phone ringing is quite mysterious! Maybe you could add to this by putting in a line of dialogue to give the reader a hint, but not giving too much away.
I'll also suggest it writes as:
I laugh nervously. "Only just." (The action can go on either side of the dialogue).
We write it like this so that when someone reads the story out loud it makes sense. Using asterisks like that works well in a script, though.